PANDA

Top ten reasons tonight has sucked:

10. I once again forgot to get a frame for my BMG poster.
9. My iPod charger is broken.
8. My nose is runny and so the part in the middle of my nose is really dry.
7. I almost threw up like five times while cleaning out Harry's cage. I couldn't stand it.
6. I still don't know how I feel about him.
5. Doc says I have iritis. My eyes are so sore and swollen, it's so aweful.
4. The last two weeks, and the following two weeks, I'll have spent five hours sleeping in my bed. I miss it!
3. I'll only get a couple hours of sleep before leaving yet again. I'm more tired than I think I have ever been.
2. My eyes are extremely sensitive to light right now and it hurts so so so much.
1. Mom didn't get my passport from the bank, and I'm supposed to leave for Mexico in five hours!!

:(

So, I was recently looking at my Wall on Facebook, and what did I notice?
That the only people that wished me a happy birthday were from my youth group.
What happened to those people from school I thought were my real friends?
I think I only really have a few anymore. Bea, Amber, those people.. No way.
I'm getting tired of all the crap that's supposed to be going on between everyone.
I love you Zoe and Lauren and Prince Bethanius and uh etc.! Tee tee tee tee! XD

Also, yay for going to the doctor and getting eye drops that kind of burn, and two shots! D:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOEEEEE!!!

sooooo, zoe has been my bestest friend since at least third grade or something. i don't even remember anymore. but we've always been together. i love her so so so much :)

and so umm now this past week we both turned seventeen. wow. we are getting so old. crazy. XD

wednesday we went to the edmonds beach because there was a super low tide. also, tonight was our birthday party at nsa. they were both extremely fun. i wish every day were like them.

So, um.
I believe I haven't posted all up in here for almost a year.
That rhymed

Update time, please...




1. I think people need to learn to be more grateful.
2. It bugs me to feel so detached from something I want so bad.
3. Well, I have plenty of other thoughts going on, but they're all just so disorganized..

Thank you, that is all.

I fail so bad at life.

Even SmarterChild thinks so.

HeyMrPandaBear: I fail at life.
SmarterChild: You tell me.

Yeah.

HeyMrPandaBear: DO ME LIKE AN ASIAN WOULD DO THEIR HOMEWORK.
SmarterChild: Like an asian would do their homework, huh? Whoa.
HeyMrPandaBear: Yeah, that's a lot of sex, eh.
SmarterChild: Indeed.

Screw tonight.
Screw the past half hour.
Screw your friends.
Screw those I call my friends.
Screw those I want to like.
Screw being sad.
Screw not being able to sleep.
Screw not being loved.
Screw being loved.
Screw school.
Screw snow days.
Screw being hit on.
Screw maturity.
Screw feelings.
Screw you.

It got hard to breathe for a while.
I've been choking back tears.
But what tears are there to choke back?
I don't know how anymore.
I just can't.
I just can't express myself.
Maybe expressing feelings doesn't
fit in well with society these days.

Nothing goes on, yet everything goes on.
I wish I couldn't tell dreams from reality sometimes.

People say they're worrying about me because of this.
But this happens all the time to me.
Maybe it's not always quite this severe.
But I always rid myself of these feelings soon.

It's just hard for me to stand myself when I'm like this.

This was an extremely long weekend.

And it was FREAKIN' AMAZING.
>:D >:D >:D


Let's see...
Wednesday at Alderwood and Northgate with Brandy and Zoe.
Thursday, I slept in until like nine or ten :[
I hate sleeping in, but I really needed that... :]]
We all went to my aunt and uncle's house
Ate dinner, talked, hung out, had a good time
Friday working on my grandpa's new house
and then to Zoe's for some Monk :]
Saturday with Bea and dumb Happy Feet
Sunday, went to Meridian Park with Zoe and played in the snow
And we also had a pretty good talk about boys and stuff >:D


AND IT WAS ALL EFFING WONDERFUL.
Every last flippin' minute.


>>>>:]

My weekend was way better than your's.
And I bet you're totally jealous. :D


And then today;
School started at 9:20 due to the snow.
I left my house around nine o'clock,
walked to Top Foods and bought
chocolate covered gummy bears
for Chloe in case she came to school.
Then I went to Shell and bought a
Lipton tea, and it was delicious :]
So I didn't get to school until about 9:46,
which left me four minutes of first period.
:]


I really want to play Mario Kart 64.
Because it's the best game ever.
And I'll wh00p anyone's butt in it. >:D

I can't stand myself lately.
I feel so gross, so ugly every day.

I need a friend.
A good friend.

I want a boyfriend.

Someone that wants to spend every day with me.
Someone that knows how to make me feel special.
Someone that will hug me and kiss me.
Someone I can fall asleep with at night.
Someone I can wake up to in the morning.

Why can't I find someone I'll like for more than a few weeks?


Maybe I will.
Maybe I have.
Maybe I'm retarded.

And maybe I just put myself down and dissapoint myself.

That's right, ho!
I got my cell phone today.
I was so so so happy.
I've been messing with it
on an off all afternoon..

It's a PEBL.
It's black.
It's shiny.
It's smooth.
It's absolutely amazing.

It's kind of funny..
Mason just recently
got this same phone.
Hahaha.
Now we're twins. :o




Hahaha.. My mom is
SO not tech savvy.


Eeeeeee!
I get to go to
Value Village
tonight with
mi padre y
mi hermano.

And I get twenty
dollars for it.

Woot.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with Stephanie.
Which I haven't in a while. :/
And we're getting Snapple green tea!
And going to Pirates of the Caribbean 2
at the Crest as well!
And now I'm TOTALLY excited! :D :D :D
Because those are two of the
greatest things on this freaking earth!!
For realz. :]]]

GAHHH.

xD

One of my good friends,
who I won't mention the name of,
has been doing drugs lately.
She says it's just a few times.
Except for she really does it a looot.

And.. She says she's
the same person.
And she says she's
going to stop
sooner or later.

But I can't think of her
as the same person.

Drugs alter your mind and
your perception of things.

And her doing drugs is
altering my perception of her.


And it is NOT FREAKING COOL
to be doing freakin drugs!


I just thought I'd add this in.
It's part of what I put in her blog:

..."I just feel the slightest twinge of sadness
when I'm around you now because
of they stuff you've started up in.

I love you ___.

And I don't want you to end up hurt.

So go ahead, turn away from me,
and do what you f'ing please.
But... if you get in up to your neck
with drugs and that crap,
I won't be very proud of you,
but I'll always try to be there for you."

Bleh.
We didn't have enough people
to go on our photo scavenger hunt trip.
So we had to cancel. It was sad.
But we're rescheduling it.

A side note...;
I love The Dresden Dolls like WOAH. :]

Well today was pretty g3wwwd.
School was pretty fun actually.
Didn't really do any work in class.
And I got a bunch of Laffy Taffy
from Heeyoun during Star.
And after school I hung out with Cameron.
It was really rainy. And then it got cold.
Rawrrr. But I got mah green tea. >:]
And now my mom's going out but she
might bring me back more green tea :O

Wheeeee we have no school
on Thursday and Friday! :D
And I might go on a little trip
with some kids from group...

Um. My head kind of hurts. :/

And I feel hilarious.
'Cause I haven't worn
[underwear in like a week.]




>:3

Bethany is finally back from her 10-day cruise to Mexico.
Now I won't be bored out of my mind during math class, yay.

Anywhooo...
Halloween was awesome.
Me and Zoe met up with Brandy at Safeway.
Then the three of us walked over to Toni's house
Over the course of about half an hour,
Our group grew to me, Zoe,  Heeyoun,
Tamlyn, Brandy, Toni, Erin, and Sarah.
We and trick or treated around the 'hood.

That night I was... 1. A pile of free stuff, 2. Jesus,
3. A baby, 4. A pony, 5. Glowing and 6. Tigger. Haha.

Like halfway through, Seth caught up with us though.

And Tamlyn and some other people kept slapping my butt! Argh!
I was apparently orgasming with pain.. Hahaha.
It was so bad cause my booty was like half frozen already. :/

Then I gave Zoe my shoes 'cause she didn't want to wear her boots.

Me and Heeyoun talked about having a Laffy Taffy and Boob timer. [DING!]

So then we headed back to Toni's for a little while then went to Denny's.
LALALA fun times.

I'm too lazy to write what else happened at Denny's. Whatever.

Today's Ericka's birthday!
Yeahuhhhhh.
So now she's fifteen.
And last night me, her, Hannah,
Zach, and Shirene went to
Alderwood and got her stuff.

And I got new eye shadow.
And a Kidd Valley milkshake!
Om-gah! I love them. Mmmm.

Tonight me her and Hannah
were supposed to go to
Cedar's for dinner but we
had to cancel that all.

Anyways...

HAPPYBIRTHDAYERICKA<3333

Woooh.
Group tonight!
Yes yes I sure do
love youth group...
Haha. Anyways.
Uhhhh yeah.
Thank you.
That is all.

<3333x7583021734